A few weeks ago, a New York restaurateur /blogger named Bruce Buschel published a list of
100 things restaurant staffers should never do and it caused a big reaction in the restaurant world, mostly because it comes across as a fascist diatribe from the mind of a megalomaniac. For instance, not only does he exhort his waiters never to touch or brush against the customers’ chair (even accidentally), but they should never serve a salad on a plate that’s too cold, or allow music to play that has any brass in it (sorry Miles Davis). Buschel also suggests that if a customer likes a particular dish, the waiter should provide a recipe, and if he likes a bottle of wine, the waiter should STEAM OFF THE LABEL AND PRESENT IT WITH THE BILL. But only if it’s from a bottle of Chateau Neuf De KissAss. Seriously.
Mr. Buschel’s list is a bit over the top, but that being said, I’d still like to add a few suggestions of my own. Keep in mind that I have worked as a waiter, and I know it’s a very tough gig, and that there are far more annoying customers than waiters, but still.
- Don’t tell me your name. I ‘m not telling you MY name, am I? Are we going to be friends? I think not.
- Do not squat or hunker down when you talk to the table. The customers are not toddlers, we do not need to be at eye level, and squatting and hunkering are not appetizing.
- Don’t interrupt me to tell me the specials. I know you’re busy, but you can wait until there’s a pause in the conversation. That’s why you’re called a waiter.
- Do not refer to us as “you guys”.
- Get away from me with your giant peppermill. Why can’t restaurants allow patrons to wield their own peppermills? What’s the worse that can happen?
- Don’t top off my glass of wine every 5 minutes. It hastens consumption, which may be the point, but some of us have to drive, and some of us have to keep our face out of the soup.
Any other suggestions?