SMEAR CAMPAIGN

Posted by: Maureen Holloway | Mar 12 2010 12:00AM

It's been glorious weather-wise - GLORIOUS! - both here and across the country. Sunny and warm, day after day. The snow has all but disappeared - just a few frightened clumps of gray ice hiding under the bushes. I dare not say it, I really dassn't, but COULD this be the winter that never was? Sure, we had a couple of frosty days, and a shallow blanket of snow for a few weeks or so, but on the whole you'd think we were living in West Virginia. I know this isn't good for the planet. I realize that global warming causes extreme weather, and that hurricanes will rage as polar bears walk down Bay Street, but still ... it's kind of nice to go out for a walk wearing nothing but a jacket and a smile (I exaggerate - of course I wear pants).

I was doing just that yesterday as I walked the dog in the park. Now Asta has a serious case of spring fever. The smells! The sun! The other dogs! And oh, the mud! Asta, as you know by now, is a Golden Doodle - part golden retriever, part standard poodle, but apparently she is also part pig. She looooooves the mud. She'll start by running through it, until she looks like she's wearing black stockings, the naughty bitch, and then she'll ultimately fling herself down in it and roll around until she's completely covered in guck, the smellier the better. And then. And then she will hurl herself at every passerby, as if to say "Isn't this FABULOUS? You should try it too! No really! Let me give you a taste of this mud! You will LOVE it! Hey! Where are you going? Come back here!"

It being an off leash area, no one seemed to mind. After all, it's a big park, and there are plenty of paths to take where pig dogs are not allowed to roam at large. Unfortunately, the young Asian couple walking towards us didn't seem to realize this. Asta bounded towards them, but as soon as she got within several feet of them, the woman started to scream. Seriously scream, as if she was being pursued by the hounds of hell. Now Asta may be a sizeable dog, and she may have been covered in mud, but she is basically timid as a mouse, and as soon as the girl starting shrieking, she froze. Not that it made any difference: the girl ran up the bank on the side of the road, screeching and howling, and Asta - I kid you not - swung her head and looked at me, as if to say "What the hell?" The woman continued to get her freak on; clearly, she didn't speak English, and, as her boyfriend pleaded with her to come back down the hill, I put Asta the Three-Headed Monster Dog back on her leash. I'm not sure, but I think she may have peed her pants. (Not Asta, the woman. Asta does not wear pants, although I, as I mentioned, do.) I apologized for my boisterous poodle, but the woman just frantically waved us away, so I thought it best to move on, leaving the man to talk his girlfriend down. "Some people, eh?", I said to Asta, as we rounded the corner, passing an Irish Wolfhound, as big as a horse, off leash and jacked up, heading back the way we came.



Filed Under: Main


COMMENTS (18)

Mary Lou Chamberlain
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 15 2010 4:28PM
Oh Mo- the memories you brought back! Charley, my terrier/poodle cross,in doggie heaven after 14 wonderful years, loved many things-two of his favourites were rolling in dead fish on the beach in winter( luckily he was a great swimmer so most of the slime was washed away before we drove home) and luxuriating in horse poop in the summer at a friend's ranch-hard not to laugh at his neon green coat and s**t eating grin!! He was always a good boy at bath time so I didn't mind-I miss him! As for the "shrieker"-dog parks need "no admittance without pet" signs! Thanks for another great story,Mo- hugs for Asta! Mary Lou

lidiab
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 15 2010 2:30PM
what can be happier than a mud covered pooch, galloping through the first spring breezes. Because im away from home too many hours a day, i only can have a dog vicariously through others. I have 3 "dog cats", big hairy bugs, who play fetch, and try to knock me over, but i still havent convinced them the dog park could be fun, not that they have any fear of dogs, but their appearance may create pandemonium amongst the real canine visitors. So until i can have a real dog, i will enjoy your asta stories and visit the high park dog hill on occasion to get my fix.

Jeffie Boy
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 15 2010 9:11AM
Ah yes, Spring in the park! The smell of dog poop and those loverly red and rellow roll-up coffee cups poking their heads up through the snow...

Elaine
SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 15 2010 7:44AM
My two mini schnauzers and I endure this on a daily basis, and my guys are always on a leash. What can I say, too many freaks out there and the dogs who have an incredible sense of what they are up against, know in an instant that, yes, once again--another idiot!

Janice
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 14 2010 10:07AM
Ah Mo you are the greatest. At least your dog goes outside. My wonderful Border Collie/German Shepherd mix will not go outside if it is raining unless I go outside with her. It's a good thing that I love her or she would not pee all spring long :) Thankfully she only likes rolling in nice clean grass and you can't see grass stains on a black dog :)

s.wells
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 13 2010 10:04PM
Sounds just like an aunt of mine would do, she is scared of all dogs big or small, this was a great story.

Jim J
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 13 2010 12:07PM
I think there are two kinds of South Asian people. Fortunately, You met the kind that are not fond of dogs. The other kind love dogs and think they are very tasty.

Linda
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 5:06PM
How true about size not being the problem. People, mostly South Asians around here will cross the street rather than pass our Boston (who is always on leash!)

Jim K
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 4:55PM
Hey Mo One man's Golden Doodle is another man's coyote.

Marcia Horsfall
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 4:34PM
Dear Mo-you continue to give sunshine when it is a rainy day. I LOVE this-best chuckle of the day. We live with a lovely dog, Skippy and part of our backyard is a giant mud area.I feel like I am living with a 2 yr.old child again, and sometimes wish I could put little rain boots on him. But he makes me laugh constantly. Thank you for making me laugh too. Cheers, Marcia

Sylv
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 3:17PM
We currently (only for 6 more weeks, yippee!) live in a not-so-dog friendly area of the GTA. Most of our neighbours don't have, and are terrified of, dogs. We have a two-year old GSD, who loves people, but knowing the fear she instills in most we meet, we put her in a sit- or down stay whenever we see people. And even with her sitting/laying down, most people will still walk on the road or cross the street, wade across rivers (ok, that's a bit, just a bit, exaggerated) to avoid having to come anywhere near her. And oh, I hear you about the mud!!

lori
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 2:14PM
BAH HA! you are better than I am, I would have turned around to watch her reaction.. lol. why are they walking in the dog park if they are afraid of dogs? I have two German Sheps who weigh in at over 100lbs each, but with full-on PUPPY BRAIN. mud is to be played in, and tracked in to the house and licked and ewwwwwww. Our snow-less yard has been chewed up by eight big paws in to a mud/spa bath, which they insist on tracking into the house. I will be glad when the grass grows, and it should be spectacular, its been well aerated.

carol
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 2:09PM
Very fuuny - it is after all a leash free park, so why the women didn't realize there would be loose dogs?

Willy
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 1:44PM
Ahh yes, Spring time with a dog. Good times. I have also encountered 'cat people', or whatever they are, in leash free parks. My dog can spot said 'sucker' a mile away and he will take FULL advantage! He would never hurt a flee but he has a good time 'toying' with them in the mean time. People, if you're scared of dogs, don't hang in the dog parks! However, it does make for a good laugh when it's all said and done.

Wilf
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 12:15PM
Wonder who got that lady out of the tree when she saw that Irish Wolf hound coming?

Carol
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 11:49AM
Hi Mo: We have an Austrialian Shepard mix named Sidney (like the city, not the hockey player - although we love him too) who is the same with the mud. She has a particular fondness for horse poop it seems, so I can relate. I'm wondering how the Asian lady would have reacted to the GIGANTIC mastiff that greeted me one day at the doggie day care when I picked Sidney up. It is a gentle giant to be sure. Greeted me with a big slime of drool across my pants and accidentally stepped on my dog's tail with his dinner-plate sized paw. Yikes!

Vikki
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 10:58AM
You made my morning, thanks so much for the LOL. We have encountered the same thing as well and our boy is low to the ground and only 50 lbs.

Hazel Lawrence
RE:SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Mar 12 2010 10:44AM
I justlove dogs and I think I love it more when the dog has not done anything wrong and somejust starts to freak. have seen several of those people before. it does not matter of the size or not big or small i do not understand why some people can not get over there fear. too bad you dog did not shake sorry thought it would be funny

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